I may be wrong and quite possibly so, after listening to the audio book – Don’t always believe what you mind is telling you – I am struggling with the fact that I am my own worst enemy. the thought i keep getting is that people may not always be honest with me because they are trying to protect my innocence and child like perspective on life. if this is the case it has been to my detriment and i do feel it is the reason i do not like conflict and battle with my speech when there is confrontation, i always go away from a conflict and once i have had time to process what has happened i can then express what i was feeling and where i was coming from, in the heat of the moment i cannot process and i say and do things which are vindictive and nasty (i feel) for example, if someone approached me in a hostile way (as i would interpret the confrontation) but it may be in a grown up way with logical conversations wanting to be had, my inner dialogue would shut down and i would want to say ‘piss of i hope you die’ (not all the time but that is what it feels like i would say instead of stopping having a breath and thinking about the response. I know perfectly what to do after the event has happened but at the time its all just a blur.
I am guessing it will come with practice but lets be honest, who wants to go around practicing conflict with people – I will tell you who does, people who have overcome and gotten used to it so… on that note the next time there is conflict i will try my best to become more aware and focus on my breath (as i keep telling people to do) and hopefully i will be able to get a grip on this sooner than later.
The title seemed very professional but after typing it just seems like a bitching session. i guess we all have to start somewhere.
Thank you for your time
Stompi3's Blog 